TNT: Ernie goes Anchorman on Charles Barkley
By Dagger | May 8, 2008
Good Stuff…
Topics: Random Musings | No Comments »
Washington Capitals goalie Olaf Kolzig puts his house up for sale
By Dagger | May 7, 2008
I’m guessing he’s not looking at re-signing with the team? Perhaps the Christobal Huet trade from Montreal rubbed him the wrong way….
Take a look at his 6 bedroom 8 bath Potomac, MD home (55 pictures in all)
Topics: NHL | No Comments »
Casey Hampton’s on the Pens bandwagon
By Dagger | May 6, 2008
Casey Hampton enjoyed himself this past Sunday. First it’s a game of beer pong in the parking lot and then seats on the glass to watch the Pens bounce the Rangers out of the playoffs.
PGH’s Texas contingent has it on good authority that when “Big Snack” throws a party he doesn’t let ANYONE in the front door until he/she downs a shot before they enter his place. Sounds like our kind of guy.
James Farrior and Big Ben were also seen at the Pens game.
Topics: Pittsburgh Penguins, Steelers | 1 Comment »
Steelers RB Mendenhall robbed at gunpoint
By Dagger | May 5, 2008
It looks like I’m going to be posting about Rashard Mendenhall almost every day. This time, the rookie was involved in a robbery. Thankfully, Mendy is fine and only lost his wallet, phone, and some cash.
Per ESPN.com
Another famous Chicago athlete was victimized early Monday morning.
Pittsburgh Steelers first-round draft choice Rashard Mendenhall was robbed at gunpoint while walking along the city’s lakefront, his agent and mother said.
The former Illinois running back was with another companion along the South Side walkway when he was robbed of his wallet, phone and cash, sources familiar with the investigation told the Chicago Sun-Times.
“It was obviously a scary moment,” his agent Mike McCartney said, according to the Sun-Times. “But he is fine. He is doing great. He said he doesn’t have anything that is worth his life.”
Reports said the two alleged perpetrators wore black hoodies and ski masks.
“He didn’t get hit or anything, he didn’t get hurt or anything,” Sybil Mendenhall said. “He’s fine.”
Police spokesman John Mirabelli said a man and a woman were robbed at the lakefront around 2 a.m. Monday by two offenders, but declined to identify the victims. No one was in custody for the crime, he said.
Last year, both New York Knicks center Eddy Curry and then Miami Heat forward Antoine Walker were robbed at gunpoint in their homes.
Mendenhall was taken with the 23rd pick in the first round by Pittsburgh after he set University of Illinois single-season records for rushing yards, touchdowns and points.
Mendenhall played for Niles West High School and is from Skokie, Ill.
Topics: Steelers | 1 Comment »
NHL Conference Finals: Complete Schedule
By Dagger | May 5, 2008
The NHL has released their schedule for the Conference Finals:
EAST
Friday, May 9, 2008 Philadelphia at Pittsburgh
Sunday, May 11, 2008 Philadelphia at Pittsburgh
Tuesday, May 13, 2008 Pittsburgh at Philadelphia
Thursday, May 15, 2008 Pittsburgh at Philadelphia
Sunday, May 18, 2008 Philadelphia at Pittsburgh
Tuesday, May 20, 2008 Pittsburgh at Philadelphia
Thursday, May 22, 2008 Philadelphia at Pittsburgh
WEST
Thursday, May 8, 2008 Dallas at Detroit
Saturday, May 10, 2008 Dallas at Detroit
Monday, May 12, 2008 Detroit at Dallas
Wednesday, May 14, 2008 Detroit at Dallas
Saturday, May 17, 2008 Dallas at Detroit
Monday, May 19, 2008 Detroit at Dallas
Wednesday, May 21, 2008 Dallas at Detroit
Topics: Uncategorized | No Comments »
Your call: Steelers have the most jacked starting RBs in the NFL?
By Dagger | May 5, 2008
Parker
Mendenhall
Quite possibly…
Topics: Steelers | 7 Comments »
Penguins vs Flyers: Eastern Conference Finals
By Dagger | May 4, 2008
The Pittsburgh Penguins finished off the New York Rangers this afternoon and won the overall series 4-1. The Flyers beat Montreal last night and won their series 4-1 as well. The two teams will face eachother later this week and the winner will advance to the Stanley Cup Final.
It’s going to be a BATTLE. These two teams hate eachother and the Flyers vs Pens rivalry is one of the fiercest in professional sports. Should be fun!
And just to kick things off, Travel & Leisure magazine has a nice little survey/write-up about the city of Philadelphia……
Philadelphia: Ugliest People in the U.S.
Philadelphia is home to the least attractive people in the United States, according to a survey by Travel & Leisure magazine and CNN Headline News. The city of more than 1.5 million people was also found to be among the least stylish, least active, least friendly and least worldly.
The city of more than 1.5 million people was also found to be among the least stylish, least active, least friendly and least worldly, according to the “America’s Favorite Cities” survey by Travel & Leisure magazine and CNN Headline News.
About 60,000 people responded to the online survey — at www.travelandleisure.com — which ranked 25 cities in categories including shopping, food, culture, and cityscape, said Amy Farley, senior editor at the magazine.
For unattractiveness, Philadelphia just beat out Washington DC and Dallas/Fort Worth for the bottom spot. Miami and San Diego are home to the most attractive people, the poll found.
But Farley pointed out the results don’t mean people in Philadelphia are ugly or the city is a bad place to visit.
“We were asking people to vote on attractiveness, not unattractiveness. Travel & Leisure editors believe there are a lot of attractive people in Philadelphia,” she said.
“The relative attractiveness of its residents is only a minuscule factor in evaluating a city’s merit.”
Philadelphians’ self-esteem has been undermined by national surveys showing they are among the fattest people in the United States.
The American Obesity Association ranked the city in the top 10 for overweight people every year between 2000 and 2005.
And sporting pride in a city known for the fierce loyalty of its fans has been hurt by not having had a national champion in any of its four main sports since the 76ers won the National Basketball Association title in 1983.
…As if we didn’t already know….
Topics: Uncategorized | No Comments »
Steelers Mendenhall injured in minicamp
By Dagger | May 3, 2008
Shocker. After Timmons and Woodley last year, this comes as no surprise. Just more bad luck for the Steelers…..
Topics: Uncategorized | 2 Comments »
Iron Chef Japan
By Dagger | May 2, 2008
This is good news…
From Slashfood.com
I know you’ve all been waiting with baited breath for the return of Iron Chef Japan. Well here it is! It’s not going to be on Food Network anymore though. Nope, now you’ll be able to catch it on the Fine Living channel.
Starting on May 5, you can watch all of the amazing craziness of Iron Chef Japan every week night at 11pm. In the meantime, you can indulge your Iron Chef craving by watching some video clips, you know, just to tide you over til next week.
Even though I really love Iron chef America, I’m glad that the original is coming back on the air. There really is not much on TV like it, unless you know where to catch Most Extreme Elimination challenge. You can’t beat the secret ingredients, the sweat, the dubbing and ,of course, the original Chairman!
Topics: Television, Random Musings | No Comments »
David Blaine breaks world record on Oprah
By Dagger | April 30, 2008
It seems that magician David Blaine held his breath for 17 minutes and 4.4 seconds today on a live broadcast of Oprah. Wow. I didn’t watch the show but apparently he was submerged into a water-filled sphere right on stage.
Interesting side note…..Blaine was allowed to inhale pure oxygen for 30 minutes before he attempted this feat. In 2006 he attempted to break the world record for holding your breath without inhaling oxygen beforehand, and he passed out after 7 minutes and had to be rescued.
So I guess inhaling the pure oxygen adds a full 10 minutes of breath-holding time to your body. Weird. I fully understand what the pure oxygen would do for your overall “system” and your brain, but what about the expansion and size of your lungs? Any science geeks care to explain? Blaine said he lowered his heart rate and just tried to relax……I get all that, but the lung capacity is the thing that’s throwing me off here.
FYI: the previous record held was 16 minutes 32 seconds. The world record for holding your breath WITHOUT getting oxygen first is 8 minutes 58 seconds. Again, that’s crazy. I think I’m good for 90-120 seconds at the absolute most.
Topics: Random Musings | 3 Comments »
Gang of serial killers targeting college-aged men?
By Dagger | April 29, 2008
The (smiley) face of a killer?
Retired detectives suspect young men targeted for death by drowning
By Mike Celizic
TODAYShow.com contributor
updated 10:23 a.m. ET, Tues., April. 29, 2008
Could a national gang of killers that leaves smiley-face calling cards be getting away with murdering dozens of male college students by making all the deaths look like accidents?
That’s what two retired New York police detectives think, after spending their own money to link as many as 40 drowning deaths of otherwise healthy young men, many of them athletes.
“This is a nationwide organization that revels in killing young men,” Prof. D. Lee Gilbertson of St. Cloud State University said in a report filed Tuesday for TODAY by NBC’s Lee Cowan.
“We are talking about specifically targeting a small, narrow group of individuals for murder,” said Kevin Gannon, who is now asking the FBI to step into the investigation he and Anthony Duarte began when both were working for the N.Y. Police Department.
It began with the 1997 death of Patrick McNeill, a young man whose body was found in the Hudson River after he had gone missing after a night on the town. McNeill had been drinking and the death was ruled a suicide. His parents refused to believe that, and Gannon, then a detective sergeant, told McNeill’s parents he would never give up on the case.
Gannon’s been good to his word, mortgaging his own house to keep the investigation alive. Working with fellow retired detective Anthony Duarte and looking into nearly 90 separate cases, he’s concluded that McNeill’s death is linked to at least 40 others that have occurred in 11 different states.
Most of what the detectives are calling murders occurred in the Midwest during the winter months. Almost all involved popular athletes with good grades. Most had been drinking before they disappeared and their bodies subsequently found in near-frozen bodies of water.
The link they think they’ve found is a smiley-face symbol drawn near where many of the drowning victims’ bodies have been discovered.
“This is what we saw,” Gannon said. “They’re happy, as most serial killers are, and very content with their work and what they’re doing and the fact that they’re thwarting police.”
“Local police departments are skeptical,” Cowan reported, “saying the team didn’t produce any new evidence, just a theory, pointing out smiley faces — as well as other graffiti the investigators are using to link the deaths — are all pretty common.”
But parents of victims are lining up behind Gannon and Duarte. Among them is Bill Kruziki, himself a policeman, whose son, Matthew, disappeared on Christmas Eve in 2005 after a night of drinking in East Dubuque, Ill. His body was found three months later in the Mississippi River. He had drowned, but the coroner never determined whether it was an accident, suicide or murder.
“There is an instance in every one of them that doesn’t make sense, something unexplainable, they vanished from this earth,” Kruziki told NBC News.
Another death thought to fit the pattern is that of Adam Falcon, a student at St. Lawrence University in Canton, N.Y., who drowned in 2004.
“We do want to know truthfully what happened to our son,” said his mother, Carla Falcon.
Families want answers
One of the deaths in the group Gannon and Duarte are investigating has been ruled a homicide. The victim was Chris Jenkins and the year was 2002. Like the others, Jenkins’ case was originally thought to be an accidental drowning, but police in Minneapolis, where the death occurred, later concluded that Jenkins had been abducted in a van and tortured before being drowned in the Mississippi River.
Despite the passage of six years, the pain never goes away, according to his mother, Jan Jenkins, who said, “Closure is a funny word; we cry every day.”
Gannon and Duarte have exhausted their personal funds. They recently held a news conference in New York to appeal for money to continue the investigation and to get federal investigators involved. They’ve had a hard time convincing others in law enforcement that there is anything to investigate in what most see as unrelated accidental deaths.
As Cowan reported for NBC: “The idea of some sinister national gang out killing young college men is a hard theory to sell. But to the parents who have lost a son, a far-fetched reason is better than no reason at all.”
The Associated Press contributed to this story.
Topics: Random Musings | No Comments »
Kenny Bania selects: Mendy’s
By Dagger | April 29, 2008
gold Jerry, gold.
——————————————————————-
Digital Underground selects LB Mike Humpal
———————————————————-
Ravens, Browns, and Bengal fans will no doubt refer to Limas Sweed as:
Linus. From Charlie Brown…..be prepared.
Topics: Steelers, NFL | 3 Comments »
Steelers draft Mendenhall and Sweed with top 2 picks
By Dagger | April 27, 2008
I’ve taken bits and pieces of a number of different scouting reports and put them into one place.
Rashard Mendenhall
The Good:
-A physical inside runner
-Set school seasonal rushing records for most yardage (1,681) and touchdowns (17) in 2007, while also establishing an annual record with 1,999 all-purpose yards
-With a low center of gravity and thick legs, Mendenhall was a punishing force running between the tackles
-He also showed the quick burst and second gear to elude defenders in the open field. Knowing what professional teams want in a tailback, he worked hard in the offseason to improve his pass-catching ability, almost tripling his reception production as a junior over that of his previous season (34 to 12).
-Has excellent agility and balance through the rush lane
-Tough, competitive athlete who has played behind some very average offensive lines, having to create a lot on his own
-Has a good blue-collar work ethic.
-Slides through the smallest of creases and knows how to get “skinny” and get through the spaces
-Does not dance in the hole, showing good body lean moving forward
-Has good quickness with deceptive long speed
-Plays strong, but using him as just a short-yardage back would be wasting his ability to run over second-level defenders, as he has that power to get through the hole
-Tough runner who is more explosive than originally believed to be
-Has a downfield running style that would be a perfect fit in several offensive systems in the National Football League
-There is no question that he is NFL ready…all aspects of his game seem to be solid
-4.45 in the 40 at the combine
-26 reps on the bench
-Was slated to go #15 overall in most mock drafts
The Bad:
-Lacks breakaway speed, but generates good acceleration
-Has a feel for the cutback lanes, but lacks that extra gear and speed to turn the corner consistently at the next level
-Will need to work on becoming a better blocker
-Only carried load for one season
-Change of direction speed an issue (Mendenhall didn’t participate in any of the 3 Cone Drills or Shuttle drills at the combine
-Has had fumbling problems
-More quick than fast
Compares To:
Compares To: CEDRIC BENSON Both are well-built runner with thick frames that are best served running between the tackles, as neither has that blazing speed you want in an outside runner. Mendenhall capitalized from his only season as a starter into a future NFL contract, but while he has made marked improvement in 2007, there is work to be done. He knows how to pick and slide, but there are times he will just run right at a defender rather than elude. His ball distribution needs total refinement, as he has a knack for swinging the ball wildly when he runs. Like Benson, that leads to a high amount of costly fumbles. He is a good receiver out of the backfield and relatively durable, having never missed a game due to injuries. While he should be a first-round pick, with strong post-Combine workouts, he still has a big learning curve ahead of him.
My Take: When you’re picking at #23 and a guy who many feel is the 2nd best RB in the draft falls nearly 10 slots, you have to take him. He will be a nice compliment to Willie Parker and the Steelers will have a real nice 1-2 punch and will have a nice 3rd down back in Mewelde Moore. I’m extremely happy the Steelers didn’t reach for a need here to grab an Offensive Lineman. Having said that, I don’t think RB was a need in Round 1 and I think you can get good RBs later on in most drafts but when you look at who else was available you can’t really be disappointed because there weren’t any better options out there. SELECTION 2
Limas Sweed
The Good:
-Great size with big frame
-Long arms
-Smooth athlete
-Great leaper
-Good ball skills
-Good body control
-Can make the spectacular catch
-Adequate blocker
-Was projected to be drafted in the late 1st Round
-Before the season started (before the wrist injury) he was the most coveted WR in the 2008 draft class
-Limas Sweed has the size and strength to become a possible #1 WR in the National Football League
-Will not be bothered in the least with the more physical game in the NFL—in fact he may prefer it
-Sweed is as athletically gifted as there is a WR in the 2008 NFL Draft
-Should develop into an excellent red-zone target
-With his lengthy wing span and large hands Limas Sweed can make plays that, quite frankly, many other WR prospects in this draft just can not make
-Has tremendous upside, and there is a lot to like about his NFL future moving forward
The Bad:
-Lacks burst
-Health is an issue
-Has battled “drops” at times
-Does not have elite speed
-Limas Sweed injured his wrist early on during his senior season in 2007 and could not contribute the rest of the way
-Sweed on occasion can round off his routes…he needs to run his routes more precisely in the NFL
-Needs to improve on his acceleration
-May exhibit some rust upon his return to the game since he has been out for almost a year
Compares To:
ANDRE JOHNSON…..While Sweed is taller than Johnson and Johnson has better separation ability, both are long striders with a good burst off the line vs. a clean release. He is quick to gobble up the cushion and get behind the defender, but he is not the most polished route runner you will find. With his size and ability to shield the ball from defenders, he does a fine job of getting to the ball in a crowd. However, he must show better concentration skills, as he has left quite a few thrown balls on the ground. When out in front of the defense, he can take the ball to the house, evident by his 20 touchdown catches.
My Take:
I thought the Steelers were going to draft a WR with the first pick since it was such a need position. Sweed was predicted to go in the first Round by everyone and the fact that he fall all the way to the Steelers in Round 2 makes me wonder why. It has to be the wrist injury because based on potential and skill set, this guy is easily one of the top 3 WRs in this draft. Ben gets his big WR, we get a nice redzone target, and the most laughable WR Depth Chart in the NFL just got a huge addition. I’ll say it again, imagine if Hines Ward gets injured again….you’re then stuck with Holmes as your #1 and Nate Washington as your #2. Good luck with Nate Washington as your #2 WR. Remember, this is now a team that utilizes single-back formations that likes to play with 3 and 4WRs. This is no longer the Bill Cowher offense. We needed another WR and we got one.
Final Thoughts:
Most experts think the Steelers got not one but TWO steals on day 1 of draft weekend. We got 2 first round talents and two guys that could/should help this team immediately.
Am I upset we didn’t grab an OL yet? Not at all. With a healthy Marvel Smith, the removal of Sean Mahan, the addition of Justin Hartwig, and the insertion of Max Starks at RT, this O-line WILL be better than last year. Mahan was that bad people. He was a guard playing out of position and looked atrocious. With the “anchor of the line” now taken care of by Hartwig, we can move forward and fill out the LG and RG spots through camp competition. Remember: Colon, Kemo, and Essex aren’t bums. They can all play in this league and they were all drafted (Colon and Essex were drafted rather high) so I don’t really see the huge need. Sure we’ll look at OL in Rounds 3-6 but not getting one on Day 1 is not a big deal at all.
Am I upset we didn’t grab a DL yet? Sort of. You can’t argue with getting two steals like Sweed and Mendenhall but it would have been nice to have seen a nice DL fall into our lap. Just like OL, we’ll look at DL in Round 3 no doubt. In the 3-4 scheme you don’t really need to grab DL’s that high. Smith’s and Keisel’s can be found later….and since we’re just looking for depth we don’t need a first or second round stud I guess. You know, if the Steelers had signed any “average” veteran D-linemen over the past few years this area wouldn’t be such a big need. Kirschke and Eason aren’t even NFL caliber players but they remain on the depth chart.
Topics: Steelers, NFL | 5 Comments »
This is why you don’t swim in the ocean early in the morning or late at night…..
By Dagger | April 25, 2008
(CNN) — A 66-year-old man died early Friday after being attacked by what authorities suspect was a great white shark off the southern California coast. Dave Martin, a retired veterinarian, was pronounced dead shortly after the incident, which occurred about 7 a.m. (10 a.m. ET) at Solana Beach, California.
Martin was in a group of nine swimmers “when he was bitten across both thighs by what is believed to be a great white shark,” according to a statement issued by the San Diego County Sheriff’s Department. “Some of the other swimmers looked back to see the victim up out of the water flailing, and (he) was pulled back under the water.
He came up screaming and was helped to shore by four of the swimmers.”Martin was taken to a nearby lifeguard station, and a medical helicopter was called in, but he apparently bled to death at the scene, the statement said.Deputy Fire Chief Dismas Abelman said Martin suffered severe injuries to both his legs, although his body was intact. He was pronounced dead at 7:49 a.m.
Topics: Random Musings | No Comments »
Penguins Good Luck Post
By Dagger | April 25, 2008
OK, so the Penguins host the Rangers tonight at 7pm. Round 2 Game 1. Before the Ottawa series we put up some pictures from the collection being gathered at LetsGoPens. Just to play things safe we’ll keep the steak alive and post some anti-Rangers pics here for good luck. These are the Stanley Cup playoffs and superstition does indeed play a huge role.
Topics: NHL, Sports, Pittsburgh Penguins | 1 Comment »
Steelers Draft Prospects: Video
By Dagger | April 25, 2008
Earlier this week I mentioned that this was one of the first drafts in recent memory where I didn’t LOVE somebody in the first round. Usually I would be worrying about who will fall to us, do we move up to get “our guy”, is some other team going to swoop in and jump ahead of us to grab him? All sorts of issues and concerns when you’re really targeting a specific player or position. This year, the Steelers could go in so many different directions that it’s hard to predict how things will shake out on Saturday. I will leave you with a few bullet point thoughts and then we’ll start with the video clips.
-By all indications the Steelers #1 choice for their offensive line would be Virginia Guard Branden Albert. Some mock drafts have him going in the top 7. There are a lot of Steeler fans who think he will somehow fall to us at #23 but I don’t think there is any way that is going to happen.
-Gosder Cherilus and Jeff Otah (both Offensive Tackles) could fall to us at #23. Again, I don’t love either of these guys so I can’t say that I’m really excited about drafting either. Both have some pretty big weaknesses and you have to ask yourself “how much better is Otah/Cherilus than an OL we could grab in Rd. 3 or Rd. 4?” I would HATE to reach here and grab the “best available lineman” when you could easily go another direction and select a top CB, WR, RB, LB, DL if you wanted to.
-Your first round pick has to be your stud. If you don’t think Cherilus or Otah or some other lineman is going to be a STAR then you pass. I personally think Max Starks is a starter in this league at RT and the Steelers are trying to work on an extension for him. If you have Starks at RT and Marvel Smith at LT then why do you need to “reach” and draft a Tackle in round 1 when we’ve drafted Essex and Colon over the past 3 years? If you want an All-Star at Guard, that’s fine and dandy but I just don’t see the need at tackle right now. (keep in mind a rookie tackle would get destroyed for 1 season or so before he gets better….so don’t plan on any quick fixes) I guess if you think Max Starks is awful and he can’t start for this team then you REALLY want us to draft a Tackle, but I like Starks at RT and I think he’ll sign an extension so I don’t see the rush. Spend a 3rd or 4th or 5th on a Tackle and sign a UFA next year if need be.
-Best case scenario on Saturday is to TRADE DOWN. Pick up another 2nd or another 3rd (or both) and stockpile some high picks. The Miami Dolphins are looking to trade up and get another 1st round pick so they would make a nice trading partner. You have all heard about the NFL Draft Pick Value Chart that teams use to see what the return should be on trading away draft picks. Well here it is:
So the Dolphins have the first pick in Rd. 2 (#32 overall) and the 26th pick in Rd. 2 (#57 overall). If Miami wanted to acquire the Steelers pick in Round 1 (#23) it would cost them at least 760 points. Miami’s Rd. 2 picks are worth 580 points +330 points according to the official chart so the Steelers might have to give them a 3rd in return to make it work. Grabbing Miami’s first 2nd rounder and their first 3rd rounder could work as well but if I’m the Steelers and I’m giving up my 1st round selection, I want a PREMIUM return. I say make them offer you their two 2nd round picks. If they want their man they have to be willing to pay the price to get back into the first round. So if nothing else that gives you an idea of how the Value Chart works (many of you have seen this before…some maybe looking at it for the first time).
DRAFT PROSPECTS: Who’s Your Man?
Branden Albert-OL
Jeff Otah-OL
Limas Sweed-WR
. Read the rest of this entry »
Topics: Patriots, Ravens, ESPN, Sports, Redskins, Steelers, NFL | 6 Comments »
T-Shirts
By Dagger | April 25, 2008
PGH has recently partnered up Avete Osservato to advertise some pretty cool t-shirts. They offer over 300+ shirts so it’s definitely worth your while to check out that link. We have had a number of requests in the past to advertise shirts on our site but we have never taken the plunge. At some point over the next month or so we’ll design and put up for sale some PostGameHeroes shirts. If anybody has any ideas for a design you can shoot us an email via our Contact Us page. We’ll let you know when they’re available in this here space. They will probably cost in the $12-14 dollar range like most of the other shirts up for sale. Check out a few samples:
Topics: NHL, Ovechkin, PGH News, Random Musings, Sports, NFL | No Comments »
PostGameHeroes 2008 Female Football Team
By Dagger | April 24, 2008
THE FRONT OFFICE
General Manager— Oprah
We couldn’t think of a better woman to lead our organization. If she can handle running a billion dollar empire, a magazine, a tv show, production studio, all of her charity work, and much much more, then she can handle the day to day operations of our club.
Head Coach— Mama Fratelli
Ahhh yes, MaMa Fratelli (Anne Ramsey) from the Goonies. If ever a woman was capable of keeping our eclectic mix of athletes and personalities focused on the task at hand, it’s MaMa Fratelli. Sources have leaked information that players showing up late for meetings are threatened with having their hands placed in a blender. Hmmm…..And Tiki Barber thought Giants coach Tom Coughlin was a disciplinarian.
Strength and Conditioning Coach—Sloth (Goonies)
The only male in the entire organization is in charge of keeping our ladies in shape and ready for game day. He walks around team headquarters and our practice facility with a ripped Superman T-shirt as he passes out Baby Ruth candy bars (he refers to them as “power bars”). Ruth Ruth Baby, Ruth, Ruth. Some of Sloth’s more inventive training routines involve trekking through underground sewer systems just to bench press water, gas, and electric pipes and wiring. He is also a big fan of the jump rope and a unique forearm exercise where he actually sits players in a chair and chains them to a wall and then forces them to yank the chain from a cement base. He may be a bit odd but the results speak for themselves. Unfortunately, bringing Sloth onboard was not welcomed with open arms by everyone in the league due to the fact that his name surfaced in one or two HGH reports currently being looked over by a grand jury. Look at that face though….that’s all natural baby.
Offensive Coordinator— Elizabeth Berkley aka Jessie Spano from Saved By The Bell
This girl is a freaking genius. Class president and one of the smartest students to ever grace the halls of Bayside. She is a nerd, a feminist (so you know she’s tough), and she has been on a “Man On Fire”-like revenge tear ever since she finished behind Screech in a battle for school Valedictorian and was subsequently rejected admission to Stansbury. She’s out to prove to the world that she’s got what it takes to be a mover and a shaker. When we announced this hire to our Team President he asked us if we were going to take a PR hit due to her recent fall from grace and poor script selection since leaving SBTB. He mentioned something about “Showgirls” and we told him we never saw the flick. She is and always will be Jessie; and Jessie is going to lead this offense to the big dance. Our playbook is 9 inches thick and makes Al Saunders’ playbook look like “See Spot Run”.
Defensive Coordinator—Jennifer Aniston
Jennifer Aniston, I mean Rachel, revolutionized female hairstyling in a way that no other woman ever has. She raised the “hottness” quotient of just about every girl I knew with that haircut. About a week after she changed her hair on friends…..every girl in society followed suit. Men around the world rejoiced. Average chicks adopting “The Rachel” were upgrading themselves from “5’s” to “7’s” in a matter of days. Well, given her track record, we feel confident that handing Jennifer the keys to our defense will no doubt result in some revolutionary new way of playing defense, attacking the QB, disguising blitzes, and coming up with unique defensive formations. Just like the Steelers D-Coordinator Dick LeBeau invented the 3-4 defense many years ago to revolutionize the sport, Aniston is going to do the same for us. It may not happen right away, but at some point in the near future something will just “click” and the game as we know it will be changed forever.
THE OFFENSE
Every great football team needs a solid offensive line. While attending the Scouting Combine I was looking for the perfect mix of size and footwork. In our offense, Guards need to pull frequently and our Tackles need to be maulers. I’m thinking the HOGS here…we want bulk and brute force; this is not going to be a quick, undersized, or agile zone blocking unit.
Left Tackle— Queen Latifah:
We’re building our entire line around Big Poppa Pump…..”Hip Hop’s First Lady” is our version of Tony Boselli/Jonathan Ogden. She’s a 6′7″ MOSTER taken first overall in the draft. She’ll stick around for 12 years and will be the cornerstone of this franchise. She can rap, move her feet in pass protection, act, can seal off the corner on a sweep, she’s fantastic in the running game, she does comedy, she can do it all. Future Hall of Famer.
Center—Kathy Kinney:
Mimi from The Drew Carey Show is our anchor and she’s got the John Randle face-paint thing down already. If she cant maul her DT off the line then she’ll annoy them away like she does viewers on The Drew Carey Show. We don’t need her to pull or do too much….just get that big frame low and move the (NT) Casey Hampton’s of the world off the line of scrimmage.
Left Guard— Kathy Bates:
Talk about getting your nose in your playbook. True story: in college, Kathy kidnapped her offensive coordinator during offseason conditioning drills and held him captive in her off campus apartment until he re-wrote the entire offensive playbook to her liking. Apparently she wanted to pull more and showcase her speed outside the tackles and on the second level (blocking linebackers). Anyways, you saw her in Misery, so you know she has a mean streak. We like that in our Linemen, we want some nasty, we want some Sean Avery, some Rodney Harrison, and we want our line to have a dirty reputation….cut blocks, going for knees, you name it. Bates will cut block you, take your knees out, break both your feet with an axe, whatever. The bottom line is that she is willing to do whatever it takes to get our RBs positive yardage. I want her on my squad. Truth be told, after signing her to an offer sheet last season I had visions of her going “Billy Cole” (The Last Boy Scout) but instead of whipping out a gun while running downfield with the ball I pictured her pulling out that hammer from her pant leg and just clubbing an Outside Linebacker as she tries to create a running lane on a toss-sweep. Yikes.
Topics: Random Musings, Television, Movies, Sports, Entertainment News, Redskins, Steelers, NFL | No Comments »
Round 2: Pittsburgh Penguins vs New York Rangers
By Dagger | April 23, 2008
Here is your round 2 schedule
Fri….. 4/25…..at Pit…..VERSUS
Sun…..4/27…..at Pit…..NBC
Tue…..4/29…..at NYR…..FSN/VERSUS
Thu…..5/1…..at NYR…..VERSUS
Sun…..5/4…..at Pit…..NBC
Mon…..5/5…..at NYR…..FSN/VERSUS
Wed…..5/7…..at Pit…..FSN
Topics: NHL, Pittsburgh Penguins | No Comments »
Redskins attempt to acquire Chad Johnson is shot down
By Dagger | April 22, 2008
ESPN is reporting that the Washington Redskins offered the Bengals a 1st Round pick this year and a 3rd round pick next year (this pick will turn into a 1st Round pick next year if Chad reaches certain incentives). I’m not quite sure why, but Cincinnati rejected the offer. They could quite possible get 2 first round picks for a player who is a locker room cancer and says he won’t even report to the team this year. Maybe they’re hoping they can get a bigger return this weekend during the 1st round of the draft?
Topics: Sports, Redskins, NFL | 4 Comments »
